"No man is an island"

"Any man’s death diminishes me,

Because I am involved in mankind,

And therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls;

It tolls for thee." 

John Donne 

It's been a while. These past few days, weeks, months, and seasons have been hard. I almost feel that it's unfair for me to say that. Who am I to say that times have been tough? I haven't had to face working every day on the frontline during lockdown. I haven't lost anybody near to me. I haven't lost my job. I'm not struggling to get by. And yet living through this has been tough. 

Reflecting on the past few months is so strange. Remembering turning the news on at five pm to watch the death toll for the UK go up by hundreds each day. Hearing that our Prime Minister was in an intensive care unit with Coronavirus. Standing outside every Thursday at eight pm to clap for the people who go to work each day and put their lives on the frontline. Clapping for all those who lost their lives caring for others. 

There's something haunting about the loss of life being converted into a number on a screen. There's something so wrong about the relief I feel when the number is low. Those are still lives being lost. Those are parents, siblings, cousins, friends, attachments to somebody. They might be the extra characters of your life. The lady you used to see on her bike everyday who volunteered seven days a week. Your cashier. Your postman. The person you always see in town but have never spoken to. 

A life is a life and I can't help feeling that we're learning to separate a death toll from individual losses.  

No matter how difficult the loss of normality is for me, I'm trying to remind myself how lucky I am within all this. I have my health, I have my family, and I have faith. 

There is light at the end of this.

Marti